I know it’s been a long time but it’s never too late.

Its that time where I sling my bag over my shoulder, throw my headphones on to force out the clutter in my brain with the vibration from the bass, take a very familiar deep breath to remind myself that, I GOT THIS, exhale, open the door and I’m gone on my way home again.

I hate flying, its bittersweet, I always feel like it’s my last flight but the higher I get, the clearer the view of the thoughts flying around in my mind when I look out the window and get reminded the world is forever bigger than me.

(Wordplay on point lol)

Seriously, not seeing what the pilot sees makes me uneasy, its just one more thing in life that’s out of my hands and into a couple of strangers. NBD.

I love traveling though so it balances out I suppose.

I cant lie, I was lowkey stressing heavily – Thinking back when 12am hit again few weeks ago and I was sitting there playing music with a lot of whiskey to balance the racing thoughts that I chased down with OJ to numb that stinging bitterness that follows. I reflected on life, starting my business, the people I surrounded myself with, and how quickly lifes changed in the past year..

Theeeeen I took them shots as if I didnt have a flight in a few hours then.

Oh well. Point is,

Time came and went and only lasted for a little celebration I call my birthday but I felt something deeper weighing me down as I turned 27. Twenty fucking seven… Where the FUCK.. has time run off to now?

More importantly where am I headed next?

Who knows.

It’s been months since I’ve posted anything so here i go.

Since I spent more time being intune with my thoughts, my energy, reading (because a loaded mind is more dangerous than a loaded weapon) – and my overall self, since my frequency and spirituality seemed a bit divided while I tried to conquer lifes bullshit & blessings. I feel better. Mentally.

I’ve been busy in different states for work, so far this year I’ve spent months on the east coast ((which Is a sign I’ll probably be stationed on the east 1yr 10monthd from now)) – New Jersey, Virginia, Philly, DC, Baltimore and I’m leaving Kentucy in the AM to go to my little spot in Anaheim, California I call home that I’m hardly in. Makes me wonder why I’m paying rent sometimes because I feel like a stranger to my own space. Crazy.

Love is still forever elusive in my world, when it comes to dealing with people who’ve been in my life way too long with the same outcome & stories, it gets frustrating. I had to fall off that wave no matter how bad or tempting it was to stay on it – and get rid of some people I met, met again, fell off and on with too many times to count. BUT then I fucked around and downloaded dating apps – now I need to spend less time swiping right thinking somehow I’ll connect with the right ones at the tips of my thumbs & good intentions at 11pm.

Trying to block the part of my mind that thrives on mental connection is harder than it seems. The military life is a dope one but a hard and lonely life when everyone is more temporary than my own dreams it seems.

Busy, busy making sacrifices and making moves ((at least I like to tell myself im making moves when I feel like I’m at a standstill)) so much that It’s hard to get me on the line. Its refreshing to switch up, so I did. I picked up some hobbies to replace some habits. I needed to get outside more and since I like working out I added boxing again to my already crazy 2 workout sessions a day. Draining, yet satisfying.

I’m busy every other time though and most times I just look at the calls and texts coming through like ehhhh, I dont have time for the drama, if it’s not my mom or I get to see my daughter – I ignore it. My mom did tell me not to go overboard & now that’s finally starting to sink in. I get it.

I get it.

It’s funny, I still got problems with communication, and its ironic how I’m getting my degree in communication though when I noticed all of my thoughts cloud my judgement. I backtrack and second guess myself because I get my life is hard to relate to, so I hardly talk to anyone about it, or talk to people in general.

Problems of an introvert.

Or ambivert?

Whatever, I know myself because ive spent too much time by myself, another one of those factors that isnt any fault to anyone. Not depressed or going though anything major, its just a personal choice i made to let the past pass. Cant spend too much time – understanding time, or making time and just took the time to let my ego go which taught me how to let go of the many unnecessary things i held on to.

Maybe that is what happens when you dont trust yourself, trust your vision, or trust your heart and are too focused on the battle in your mind. Its something you cant ignore because you cant run from yourself forever, so I started pacing and noticed i was trying to do way too much and it became clear that it was time to just be a little more minimal. Stick to the plan, Talk a little less, get my money right, Take more time to get my head right.

Breathe.

Work will forever be just work and the stress that comes with it shouldnt dictate my life, My family or health.

Breathe. It’ll be what it’ll be.

To clarify this, life is all about pacing, i had a shift in energy, started working overtime just to start putting all that energy back into me. My focus is me and because of that I’m really in a great place. I don’t want to get too deep with this but I just like to share my journey every now and then..

Until next time.

I want a love that doesn’t have to be spoken, a love with the energy of waves crashing against us, taking us deeper into the fear of emotions we swim from and drown us with the thoughts of we can’t ever leave each other. That Deep love. I want that High up into the the Stratosphere, can barely breath when you’re away, never needing space but looking down on the world only thinking of each other love. I want that I put life in you love & in turn you provide life for us building something greater love. Starting from the roots and grow together yet still branching out living our lives with the be(leaf) this is all for a reason. I want to grow old with you love, that we can tell how we feel, understand what we need, what we’re lacking all from a hug and kisses that not only reassure but make us feel sure of one another love… now I’m not in a hurry for love but I’m chasing after it like cupid loaded all its arrows and shot me in my mind making me wanting you to cuff me and throw me in the jail of your heart. Imprison me with your embrace… I have the time to wait, not the time to waste.. but for all those out there searching like me, I guess we have to wait..

Red lights on, some chill music playing and heavy vape smoke lingering about.. almost like my place is low key a hookah lounge that only I have access too.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve been posting for no reason, as if people really care about reading my same ol complaining – but after reminding myself that I started doing this to clear my head and nothing more, here I am & oh I appreciate whoever checks into this and follows because I know time is valuable so thanks for taking a few minutes to read this.

Anyways-

Wow, it’s that time again to look back on where and what you fucked up on, talk about what you’re not going to fuck up on this time around and add just a hint of goals mixed with power moves on the side.

Yeahhhh you’ve guessed it, it’s now 2019 (side bar, my army contract is one year closer to being over whoop whoop) & it seems just like yesterday when I posted about it being 2018 while I was overseas on here and here we are again.. man time seems to be either moving too fast or I’m stuck on a slow ass pace, or the same pace? Is it Nostalgia keeping me back? Maybe.

I’m officially lame, lame as fuuuuck if I’m to be clear.

& I don’t really care about that –

I’m just tired of the people asking me “what are you doing for New Years” – my response let’s me know that it’s true; I’m getting lame, older, & doing my best at adulting. I’m doing nothing lol, on god. Shit, I just paid rent since it’s the 1st & so I’ll be right here sitting my ass at home playing my PlayStation. I mean forreal, Is there something I’m not seeing in myself for people to think I’m about to go out, turn up & waste money on drinking with people who could really care less about me ? Maybe that’s the wrong mindset to have but that’s what I’ve been shown.

Besides I haven’t drank in two months so I don’t feel the need to go out. Props to me on that one.

This is a year of more self control, self love, mental health, healthy relationships, eating better, staying consistent in working out, better choices, taking advantage of every door that opens, commitment, letting go of dead weight, finding, keeping and understanding love. Carelessly waving the middle finger at all negativity and negative people along the way.

& Maybe this is the year I stop saying maybe? Maybe this is the year that the woman I’ve been looking for reveals herself? Maybe I won’t judge myself too much this year? Maybe I’ll be the best me I can be this year? Maybe I’ll be nicer to the loved ones in my life and stop isolating myself from the people who know me the best? Maybe I won’t let sex distract me or steer me into the wrong mindset? Maybe I’ll get some control on my emotions so they don’t run my life so much? Maybe I’ll stop being a home body and go and be a social butterfly? Maybe I’ll travel and get to know myself better instead of letting others perceptions of me guide me, Shit, maybe I’ll win the lottery too. Who knows. Maybe..

2k19- don’t let me down

Happy New Year y’all. Stay blessed. Stay safe

The feeling of just letting go is something worth holding on to for a lifetime. I couldn’t pinpoint this feeling I’ve been having for a while now & now I think I get it; it’s just a feeling of being calm & at peace from letting go of anything or anyone trying to bring me out of “character” or just negative vibes in general.

Duces, invade someone else’s life with that headache, I got real shit to stress about… like my bank account (shoutout to cole)

I finally have had ample amount of time to myself, to view myself, accept my path / alter and change it as I go, save mula, buy unlimited amounts of snickerdoodle hot chocolate from Starbucks, and jokes aside really get the tools to build a new foundation for myself despite all the times life has brought me to my knees & just take life for the blessing that it is overall.

Some people call it growth. But it doesn’t stop;

& little by little you keep chipping away at it.. that’s progress right?

I mean if you can’t evolve in life you won’t get any further from where you currently are right??

Look, I did and still am doing the ultimate letting go when it comes to my fears, & what a fucking journey that has been, but the best so far was falling 13,000 ft, looking back at a clear sky & the perfectly good airplane I just fell from – viewing the world below me getting closer and closer, I was struggling to breathe, I was scared & smiling, hell, 13,000 ft with my life in a strangers hands? You can bet your ass I yelled like I had no home training, just floating in the moment (literally) – something hit me that I think we all tell ourselves but really i felt it;

I’ll be ok. God got me.

& that’s a pretty cool feeling to be sure about when you’ve been chilling at the lowest points of your life mentally.

On a side side note; Only I would pick a Sunday to have an urge to just say fuck it and adopt a dog, because every place is closed. I know all y’all weren’t praising god…

I’ve come to terms with my spontaneous impulses, & I love when I actually act on them. It’s deeper than that though, I crave interaction since I don’t have a relationship atm so a dog is the perfect substitute for the time being. Hopefully I can find a puppy so I can train it exactly how I want even though I have zero idea on how to train a dog lol point, don’t piss there, don’t jump on there and we’ll have a fantastic relationship lol, I crack myself up.

Last thing, I realized everyone’s in a good mood the closer it gets to Christmas, idk why nobody getting anything from me, not a single soul but my daughter deserves a thing. Okay, maybe one other person, but why am I in a bah humbug type of mood about ? Easy, because people try your patience time after time, walk over you etc etc and tend to mistake kindness as me forgetting every single thing ever done to me, cancers are petty souls and I’m the best at it, I got that patient pettiness, you know the one who can sit on something for years and then BAM! You thought I forgot type of patience. Haha.

I been running from relationships for so long that this time life won’t let me do it, especially since I been using the excuse “I’m still trying to find myself” line, knowing I want a soul mate but ima keep it on the low low can’t jinx this potential blessing I have come across. This is definitely different.

Y’all up in anime ? I just joined the Naruto fam, so ima get back to that just had to get this off my chest.

Until next time.

(2009 / Mac Miller) if you don’t know Or forgot I write to music.

I put my life in reverse at times & I dig up all my old pain and focus on healing it so overall I can change my emotional well being; Sad part is people will laugh when you’re being positive. That’s crazy, people really want to see you down & out. The delusion. The nerve.. the audacity of those who attempt to bring you down because of their own actions / short comings in life.

But like 6lack said, “I got a daughter to raise, one day she gon’ be a queen. I’m tryna get s—t together, so she can have anything.”

So as much as I’m doing things for me it’s really for her life to be easier.

Okay anyways;

At the end of the day when I have a moment to myself I’m always in my head, about myself; if that makes any sense? Not in a bad way, just in a deep, progressive; thought. What are my next moves? Long term goals, issues to overcome, books I want to read, did I eat? Workout? Call my family? Pray? Pay my bills? etc.

You need to keep things in front of you to face them head on.

I love myself and I still question some of my actions, (but I learn, never regret them) I push myself and fall back to old issues, I cry tears of joy and hunch over at the pain of life. It’s normal. I believe in myself whole heartedly but I make time to listen to the lies too. I get criticized from strangers and adapt, love from family that is unmatched and I don’t stress over making or even maintaining friendships. I found love, lost love and stopped looking for it because I’ll share life with someone eventually.

Guess I’m in a good place of…. limbo?

I can’t find a word for it but Im getting older & going out is gettin’ old…

(6lack references on deck today)

So I know for a fact I love to go to the beach right before a sunset just to stare at the sun reflecting off the ocean & the waves are mesmerizing, its truly beautiful. In those moments i know that I need to keep trying for my goals , I must keep trying the same thing over and over because it’ll never come to “shore” in the same spot, so it doesn’t matter how many times I fail my attempts, I’ll pull myself together and go for it again and again, I’ll either succeed or it’ll just be a new lesson; but first I need to work on being as relentless as the waves crashing to shore. It’s obstacle is LITERALLY the world; yet it keeps on going and shapes the world many different ways. It’s way.

Relentlessly.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before BUT You ever just sit and think about life or talk about life with random people??

— I swear those are the best conversations to have because you tend to open up more on life and speak your truth freely because sometimes you just get tired of living it; besides you know these are people with zero connection to you and are less likely to have an bias opinion. So why not? At the end of it all, all you end up doing is reflect on the bad, the crazy, the blessings and everything in between.

& smile; because Honesty, clarity & being heard is good for your mental health. & that’s something I’ve been big on as of late.

insert random non traditional/rhyming free verse poem below..

(if you must know free verse isn’t supposed to rhyme)

—

Im ready to continue this race but first you have to pass me the baton so I can win… or better yet; stampede to this finish line of love.. I’m ready

Better yet, this journey; isn’t a race and it isn’t a war so let’s forget what we were fighting for before it happens and let’s fight toward something more…. everlasting; or I can’t see this lasting.

—

People are always on the go, and I know because I’m in that category too, Never resting or taking time for self; but I read a quote and it’s simple..

“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you did today was just breathe”

Okay last thing I’ll speak on is

*self evaluation* or situations.

Starting with “situations”

I know my situation is too much to sit on for some, but I embrace it, can’t run from things that aren’t going away so I low key speak to the people I think highly of about it to keep my mind level. — Another big change is in route for better or maybe for worse, who knows but this isn’t the time to get complacent or should I say situated, so I I’ll leave it in an higher power hands.

As far as self evaluation; you know when I was putting my life in reverse a while back I also noticed that throughout my childhood, teenage years & part of my adult life I had adopted some anger, forgave some lies, drifted into peace, fed my share of bullshit, dealt with other people’s pain and witnessed time reveal its truths; and life continued to help me grow into something better today it’s all a process & one hell of a journey to fix.

It’s not easy;

Sometimes you have to hope your ex’s are happy and healthy, hope old friends are doing good, hope everyone who’s ever done you wrong learned a lesson from it, anyone I hurt – I apologize, because at the end of it all, forgiveness is all that matters when you’re trying to receive blessings in life; but you have to first acknowledge your mistakes.

Alright I’m rambling again since “I’ve gotten good at letting good things go. I get uncomfortable, when things get comfortable, cause I’m so used to watching good things leave, so pardon me, it’s just apart of me”

Few more days and I’m cutting ties with Fort Lee, VA & back to Cali! Y’all stay blessed.

(Also I recommend this book called Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop, no link here because I’m not getting paid for this shoutout aha)

Here’s the thing..

Life can be easy but it’s never simple.

It’s very easy to get side tracked when you’re not staying in your lane anyway. You’ll see..

Mhmmm It’s been a while. No surprise there, but for whoever does read this, My bad, it takes time to somewhat organize your life, especially when you’re writing you own thoughts yourself;

Everyone can’t afford Quentin Miller.

I been doing this about a week. Struggling with a forever racing mind.

So as usual, with no expectations – expect this to be all over the place.

So recently Ive been told I’ve changed and I wonder if people know any other words or even people because that’s the one i get over and over again from people who need some self-reflection themselves. But I won’t go there so I just nod & take it again, unbothered, mostly craving food or hot chocolate as they speak, since I feel that Im still just me. I see nothing wrong with me changing, but because I’m somewhere between responding & hell naw, idk how to respond usually because who wouldn’t want a change in life?

So nods, & fake, deep, I’m listening expressions, saves a headache.

You know It’s deeper than accusations though, they’re usually premeditated accusations coming out at certain moments people try to catch me off guard, but I’m pretty in-tune with myself & I can sense it, anyways, I feel like you have to talk to the heart of someone & maybe you can see past the visual things before you speak on someone changing.

Just a suggestion.

Curiosity was at an all time high so I finally read my own blog few days ago; years later; and I smiled because the things I’ve written seem to just flow, feel genuine and there are some very exposing moments in my life so I expected/thought It’d be all over the place seeing that my thoughts tend to be.

To me it’s not and that’s a dope feeling to have about yourself & In my mind I’m a 🐐 from here on out lol.

Still..

I want to do better.

I can’t misrepresent myself.

There’s always something going on in my life BTS, but this change within the next month or two / end of year at the latest has my fingers crossed, Hopes high, blessings up & not looking back at anyone or anything because when it does…. Godspeed trying to find me.

to reality 🔙

Still have to go through everyday life like normal. Can’t live in a distraction / day dream.

Nothing good comes to wasting time.

I got hit with an all too familiar feeling sept 7th that I know will take me a while to get rid of; leaving / vulnerable.

It feels like every time I leave the worst part is the FEAR of coming back to start all over, realizing everything or something has changed, again. That’s what I don’t want again.

I guess not all change is good.

Look,

I never complained about leaving before I joined the service; i couldn’t wait to leave and explore but now I know it just has a way of making your relationships fall out, whether it’s friendship or dating and even family; hard to communicate or establish things with someone who isn’t around, or doesn’t have time. That’s just facts. Then ill start feeling vulnerable when I’ve exposed so much of my life to someone & then that disconnect you once felt in life before is slowly becoming somewhat of an attachment, then just as the storm starts to settle I’m back at sea… Its almost impossible to maintain consistent communication with people who don’t understand military life ESPECIALLY when you’re on orders. It’s out of my hands.

But–

As I expected.. when people naturally are feeling unwanted they leave but I wonder; because if I’m not physically there, would your mind want me, Like your soul wants me ? What’s the vibe? I mean.. verdict? Is your attraction a physical thing because you need comfort through the pain of life and overly present loneliness or something mental? Mentally injecting you with knowledge; or maybe we’re in the moment and just two strangers walking past one another who just never stopped smiling, waving and showing up in each other’s lives? Are you the living embodiment of what my forever looks like or Ms. Karma in the flesh? Wanting me to put pride to the side and let our hearts lead the way just ——

Let me stop.

It’s complicated my heart belongs to the greatest love I’ve ever felt even though she has only been in this world less than 2years, & I haven’t seen her much, but my foundation started because of her. I haven’t made room for anyone else.

Placing love on hold for now, but waiting for the right call.

But back to the military thing, I drifted off.

I mean don’t get me wrong; I’m glad to be able to travel, life is beautiful, the world is big, and I am grateful to see another day but I’m at this point in life where I am all traveled out for this year; I want to be at my home relaxed. I don’t care if I’m just looking at the walls, it’ll be MY damn walls, SO if I randomly snap just my walls, don’t @ me, you should know what it is.

So a hurricane is here.

I’m from California. Da faaaq is a hurricane?!

I always feared hurricanes due to the known devastation they bring of course, but mainly because I still cannot swim, so my chances of survival is about a -5%

Jokes aside loved ones have been lost. Appreciate what we have & send them prayers up.

So again I tried to talk to god because everything comes from him/her/it 🤷🏾‍♂️ since times like this I spend most days with my head in the clouds but feet moving on the pavement type of vibe. The goal is to make room for new blessings & new adventures life may have in store for me but I get really caught up with backtracking on my thoughts; then somehow; Pushing through on my goals then back on the rollercoaster falling through on some plans..essentially I’m back struggling to find a balance again so I’ll chill in my little circle of instability looking to god to direct me back to the path I wondered from randomly; thinking life was a race against people I’ll never meet.

My intuition is unmatched.

I know I needed to tone it down.

Gotta learn things slow.

Carrying on,

This is long, hang in there.

I realized I’m hard on myself, & will continue to be hard on myself; because I know where I was, understand where I am, & hungry for where I see myself going. Just embracing the change, change is what I’ve grown accustomed to other than the people who change into people I no longer know.

That’s confusion; cannot get accustomed to that

I’ve been talking about change a lot huh?

Oh well lol I question everything rather than fall for everything you know ?

I wonder, do people think I was born yesterday because I pick and choose what, how and when to respond? I peep the games / lies / bitch-ass-ness that just emanates from certain peoples directions. So much bitch-ass-ness around it is just ridiculous. I swear military life isn’t for me, sometimes but I signed the contract so now my consciousness can only think free.

I was told I’m an introvert and I roll with that too because it sounds cool & people love to & need to put labels on everything. It seems to be the only way people can understand or process life. My every move isn’t broadcasted on social media.. unless me in my car singing on snap counts?? 🧐 but i guess I’m anti-social because of it? Be real, Life isn’t supposed to be everybody’s business. I think. How many times must I explain that. I love chilling at home by myself doing things by myself and hardly going out so, if that makes me an introvert in your eyes oh well, the real question is where is this concern of my life coming from? I’m content with my choices.

Which is coo with me, I prefer it that way.

I’ll leave it at that i can go on and on with this, I spend too much time writing & thinking.

Until next time

I remember just a few nights ago at midnight, I sat and I thought about how I’m now 26 and the whole “we wasn’t supposed to make it past 25” phrase and can’t help but smile and tell myself happy birthday. Then I just jump to the more serious part of life and wonder what do I have to show for the years I’ve been in this world? How have I changed? Lastly, what can I improve?

That’s the main one, what can I improve?

If I’m being completely honest I’m not sure, nor am I sure of how I got here since I tend to remember all my mistakes/failures and ignore my blessings, but overall I’m not complaining, just unsure.

Anyways,

There I was in my car playing emotionless by drake full of emotions telling myself I got more years ahead of me (god willing) & that I won’t spend life alone one day, and how I have a lot of plans and goals to reach so it’s crunch time.

I mean really, what’s stopping me?

I’m in a new city (LA), a new apartment, got a new car, great career I’m starting for myself with the same goals and more progress. Only limitations I have are those I put in myself.

BUT – That’s the mantra!

Same goals / more progress.

& stay humble of course.

Oh yeah, 🤦🏾‍♂️ I am back!

Well I’ve been back for a month in the states and although everything seems to be going pretty fast, I seem to have a good control on the things at hand, and the upcoming events I know of, BUT let me knock on some wood since life has a way of giving me reality checks that are too big to be cashed sometimes. So I’ll just ride this wave out as smoothly as possible avoiding all negativity in the process.

I kind of been getting out, being social, & kind of been like fuck people let me sit at home and nerd it out on some video games. Call it balance. (Ha drake did say, Old ways new women gotta keep a balance) that was random but point is, Balance is good. I need more balance.

Kind of been nice but kind of an asshole just the same.. eh yeeeeah, balance.

⏩

Fast forward to the present, I’m currently at a beach reflecting on that night , (I spend a lot of time at the beach spacing out looking at the water when I’m not rolling through LA with the windows down & music blasting) I’m really just enjoying the vibe. Enjoying the sun & Enjoying these random conversations with the rare percentage of the population who can speak face to face rather than text 24/7 with empty emotions.

Life’s a trip. I’ll Enjoy it though because you can’t confuse a bad day, with a bad life.

Until next time.

Sometimes you have to reset, breathe.. you know?

Trying to understand.. more like trying to balance life, balance my own sanity all without resorting to drinking and smoking more, almost often resorts in staying up so late battling my own thoughts, playing music and hoping to hear some type of inspiration.

Like fuck..

& I keep reminding myself that some people just say things to get a reaction and I’m left pushing through the pain or I feed into it, just to wonder why I did..

& some people want you in their life – distantly.

& sometimes its really just me but I blame others.

& sometimes I’m forgotten.

& sometimes I’m okay with all of it.

I never been one to fuck up the vibes but I guess I expect things to be a certain way too much.

Don’t mind me, I’m just venting, the writer side of me is on the lose, I’m not losing it though. There’s just a lot of problems that can’t be solved with just anyone helping or simple conversation. I’m just more worried about myself you know? I just gotta come home.. maybe then things will change.

Anyways. Whoever reads this little blog of mine, I hope you had a good thanksgiving. I spent mine alone this year and found myself missing home and family more than ever. SO appreciate y’all family!

You know what though, as much as I hate most holidays, I love thanksgiving for the food of course, but it reminds me what I have to be thankful for and in todays life I tend to look past what I have when I’m so focused on getting what I don’t.

I’ll post again around New Years

Until then..

(6lack One way ft Tpain)

Name one writer who doesn’t hate writers block, and I’ll stop posting about my life.

Usually I just grab my Dre Beats when my thoughts start to get so crazy that I can’t recap my life, but two months later, here’s my struggle, I mean update.

I’m living my life although I’m a very isolated person. It’ll catch up to me in the end but I don’t focus on having friends, I focus on myself now more than ever. (Not to sound like a broken record because I’ve talked about this before) I love staying to myself, not explaining myself to anyone and living a detached life – distant from social media – more in tune with my wants, needs and goals.

I recommend more people do that.

Find yourself. Focus on yourself. Be comfortable with yourself. Better yourself.

I don’t know why but I’ve noticed social networks bring out the lies and causes headaches that no amount of prescription drug can suppress. I simply can’t fall into that again because the consequences is what I’ll get in return for lying to myself.

On a more important note, I’ve been training with my unit for our upcoming deployment that I’ve mentioned before for half of June & July, and every year, (today to be exact) reality sinks in more than usual since this time around I’m now 25.

Damn.. 25, the perfect time to take it easy, pause time, rewind my life and play over every choice and experience I’ve gone through to make sure I’m going in the right direction.
I suppose following a routine makes it easy to forget to enjoy life and the time I have. Tunnel vision, so wrapped up in a routine that I forget to break away from that cycle.

I want to change location, maybe then I can change my ways.. side bar // Ever notice how irritating or serious a conversation can become when someone who’s never called you by your real name does just that?

I’m all over the place, music got me feeling some type of way about life so Ill end with exposing my train of thought a bit more;
I’ve spent my life subconsciously wondering what’s possibly missing in my life, a void of some sort, from thinking I’m not good enough, and doubting myself becomes so easy when people are quick to ignore you, point fingers to you, and then turn around and admire you ? That can mess with anyone mentally.

Things are going to change, no longer forcing anything and letting things fall in place, just hope it doesn’t result in me falling flat on my face picking up the pieces again

(Drake. Signs)